Hello, My Name is "Whiny"

I am an emotional mess with a headache that won't go away. Is this normal? Perhaps a 'side effect' of all the meds?

I keep telling myself it is. And I tell Zach that too. Poor guy. He gets the brunt of it.

I just can't seem to help it. It's almost a depressed feeling. One that has no meaning behind it. I just cry easily and mope around. And eat too many peanut butter m&m's.

I've noticed bruising on my belly from my shots. I guess when you put 3 needles a day into your belly, you're bound to have some consequences! They are funny, in a weird way. B/c you can see my pattern of 'injections'. I have almost a complete straight line across my belly about 2 inches below my belly button. Perfect little round purple bruises.

And I'm not gonna lie. The shots are starting to hurt a bit. Kinda sore feeling too. Nothing that I can't handle, just uncomfortable for about 30 min after each shot.

My boobs are getting bigger too. I was hoping for smaller! My regular bras are snug around my chest and my sports bras aren't as 'can barely tell its there' comfortable either. And while I'm at it- I think my butt is getting bigger, spreading, something... I had read to expect weight gain, but man, I hoped to be an exception!

I'm sorry to complain and whine. That really wasn't my intention when I logged on. I was mostly going to ask if you ladies that have been on these meds have had the never-ending headaches and sudden moodiness. I seem to have come a long way from that!

"This to shall pass" and my daily visits to the dr start in the morning! Another daily needle and the awkwardness of daily vag ultrasounds. Oh, boy!

waiting...

I went in for the suppression check this morning. Had blood drawn for estra.diol level and had a vag ultrasound. I still have 'two juicy cysts' on my left ovary. They measure 3.6 and 2.8. I don't know how much they are going to interfere. It worries me.

Now I'm just waiting on the call to get the number from the estra.diol test. Less than 50 is great and we can proceed as planned. 50-100 is iffy. 100+ means more lu.pron and postpone starting foll.i.stim.

I REALLY don't want to postpone anything (of course).

Anyway, for now, I wait.

***** UPDATE *****

My estra.diol number/level/whatever is 23!!!!! YAY - Lu.pron did it's job and we can continue on from here! Foll.i.stim starts tomorrow! eek!!!

Update

Okaaaaayyy, well I started the 10cc's of Lu.pron this morning after much hesitation and anxious waiting. (oh, and my period is still here)

I set my alarm for 7:45 so I would be good and ready to make the dr. call at 8:00 when they open. I call immediately and the receptionist says neither of my nurses are available- can she take a message? Yes, please! I fill her in and she says she will have someone call me asap.

Exactly 55 minutes later, one of my nurses calls back.

"You're fine" she says. "Go ahead with the shot this morning. You have a suppression check Thursday, right?"she asks. "Yes, at 10:30-- Does me having a period mean we will have to cancel? That the lu.pron didn't do it's job last month?" I ask. She replies: "We will see Thursday @ the suppression check. For now, do the Lu.pron shots in the morning as scheduled."

Ladies, I gotta tell you. This does not ease my mind. I'm freaking out. I've been on the verge of tears ALL DAY. I 've tried to stay busy. Had lunch with a friend, took a short jaunt through a fav antique store with my MIL, and did some mall shopping with my mom... But I just can't shake the feeling that this cycle is going to be a bust. I know this is negative and I've tried SO HARD to stay positive through all of this.... but right now, my confidence bubble has popped.

Please keep all fingers and toes crossed for my Thursday appt. Apparently that will be the only thing that can calm me down now. {{thanks}}

trying not to freak out

Ok, so I woke up this morning with bad cramps. Like, pms cramps. I'm thinking "hmmm...wonder what it is... I am not supposed to be having a period with the lu.pron..must be indigestion from dinner."

2 hours later I get out of the shower to discover a thin line of bright red blood running down my inner thigh (sorry, tmi).

What. is. going. on?

I am not an 'official' ivf patient until Monday when I do my first shot so I don't have the weekend number of my fertility dr. I'm telling myself it's ok. That is just 'break through' bleeding. And that just like the last time I started Lu.pron I had to have a period first. I'm also telling myself it's just b/c it's my first month on it and maybe it's not totally in my system???

I'm just freaking out that when I go for my suppression check on Thursday they are going to tell me this month is a no-go b/c the lu.pron didn't suppress the endo enough (I mean, I'm having a light period!!!).

*sigh...I don't know what to think. Any suggestions or ideas? Did this happen to you on Lu.pron?

PS. I'm on cycle day 26...

Random Thoughts from My Day

1. an elementary school without children in it is just plain weird

2. amazing how much stuff kids can hide and lose under furniture

3. i am prepping my room for August like a crazy person b/c in my mind, i'm gonna start the new year in my first trimester and i won't want to be climbing up on furniture to hang stuff on walls

4. ivf meds start in less than a week!

5. i never joined the new gym. i should be exercising to counteract this lu.pron. ugh.

6. i haven't had any more 'baby dreams' since the one about a little baby girl in a green dress. this worries me a bit. but being as that the baby dream i did have was the only one i've ever had, maybe i shouldn't worry

7. i wish my little sadie girl wasn't so scared of rain, storms, and fireworks. this weekend and tonight have been a mess. poor pup has been under every bed in the house!

ok, all for now. gotta go make a reminder note for Z to pick up the ivf meds tomorrow!

We're on our way!!!

WEEEEE! We got SO MUCH accomplished @ our appt today! Z had his bloodwork done (no scarring and bruising for him) and we found out my blood work results (everything negative so I'm good to go!). Dr. K also did a trial run of the egg retrieval to make sure my cervix would accept the catheter. Good there, too! Then we met with our ivf nurse to go over all the meds, injections, schedule, etc... We got 'schooled' in injections (i'm good with the lu.pron shot since i've given myself shots before) but the foll.i.tism shot is something new. Building the thing before you even put medicine in it was all new for me!

Anyway, we got everything sorted out and headed for the elevator. On the way out the door, Dr. K and our ivf nurse were visiting with a couple in the lobby. They were introducing them to their 3 week old baby boy! The couple was so sweet and couldn't have been happier. They said they were so proud of the baby Dr. K helped them get! They said "it works- it really works!"

YES! That was such perfect timing for us to see. A real live baby born via ivf right there in front of us with beaming parents. Oh, yeah! We're on our way!!!

We'll pick up the injectibles next week and my first injection is Monday June 7th! It's really happening!!!!!!!!! And neither of us can stop smiling. :)

I fought and the sinus infection won

I have been battling this dreadful infection for 2 weeks. I was scared to go to the doctor and have any 'serious' medicine b/c I was worried it would affect the Lu.pron.

But this morning I woke up unable to breathe and feeling pretty dizzy. My head was so full of junk no amount of robi.tussin, mu.cin.ex, suda.fed, etc was gonna get through this. I went ahead to school b/c i have too much to wrap up before school is out, and I used a 'leave early pass' to get to the dr asap.

After 1 1/2 hours in the waiting room and a $75 copay (dang urgent care place- I almost left when I found out how much it was! yikes!) I FINALLY saw the doctor. He couldn't believe how bad the infection was. Gave me a big 'ole prescription for a.mox.icillan and sent me on my way.

But not before asking about the horrendous bruises on both of my arms. Yep, yet again I had to tell my fertility bloodwork appt tale. I hope to NEVER get that nurse/phlebotomist again! It's been a week and the bruises are now faded to a redish-brownish- yellowish color. the one on my right arm is still the size of a half dollar and the one on the left arm is the size of a baseball. Lovely.

ANYWAY, the important (what I feel was important) was that he shared HIS recent fertility journey with his wife! They went through ivf procedures a couple of months ago, it worked the first time, and they are now pregnant with twins! God knew I needed him as my doctor today...

Here's to the meds working quickly and the lu.pron side effects to stay away!!!