Shot-less

Weeeellll, I guess in trying to postpone my period just through my extended NYC weekend, I ended up spoiling the whole month. Because I never got my period. Well, not an 'official' period as the nurse said. She can't / won't /would rather not give me the Lu.pron shot until I have a full flow. Never got one. I told her I'd been heavily spotting for days. Told her about the extra 4 bc pills I took to put it off for a few days so I wouldn't be in NY rather than GA when i started.

Oh well.

I'm past being upset. It took several days. Poor Z. He tried so hard for us to have a fun weekend and a relaxing weekend before the ivf roller coaster began. And the weekend WAS great. But in my fury after missing this month, I regret to say that I fussed at him and told him that if we had never gone on the trip, I wouldn't have missed the shot b/c I would have had my period b/c I wouldn't have taken extra bc pills. Poor thing. He felt terrible and I felt worse for saying it. I was upset. He says I was having a panic attack. I did end up in the corner of our walk in closet crying so maybe he was right.

Sooooo...anyway. That's where we are. Waiting. Again. I'm not even on bc pills this month. I am so 'off' schedule I didn't know where to begin on the pill cycle! Hoping for a quick month to pass and my period to start ASAP!

Fun Saturday Shopping!

Had a great day out shopping with one of my favorite shopping buddies! We were looking for a dress for her to wear to a wedding next month. My plan was to buy nothing. Uh-huh. Some plan!

It took us a little while to 'get into the grove' but boy once we did we went a little wild! The LOFT has some cute stuff for fall!!! They also had a sale going on sweaters (select sweaters were buy 1 get the 2nd half off). I got 2 sweaters, a cute short sleeve shirt, and a pair of jeans! Banana Republic had a sale on their sale stuff (buy 2 sale items get the 3rd for FREE!). I got Zach a sweater and a pair of shorts and I got a cute gray shrug. :) After the mall we hit up Old Navy (cardicoats were $20) and DSW (I got 2 pairs of super cute flats both on sale!). I wanted rain boots but they are totally sold out. It's amazing all the rain we've gotten here in GA recently! I looked at boots for fall/winter, too. I need some black ones. I just can't seem to fall in love with the black. I love them all in brown! *sigh... shopping woes! haha!

It was so nice to get out of the house today and have some girl time. We left at 2:00 and I got home around 9:15! That's a long shopping trip! My poor Sadie girl missed me and I felt bad. She kept jumping up on me and now she's laying on the couch with me. She's such a sweet puppy girl! (I need to post a pic of her one day! I don't have any pics on this laptop. She is such a cutie! She's a black lab). Anyway, we are blogging and "She's All That" is on in the background. Do you remember that movie? With Freddie Prinze Jr.? It's not that great or anything--I think I just stopped on it when channel surfing b/c he was in it. Reminded me that he and his pretty wife Sarah Michelle had their baby girl this week (or was it last week?). They named her Charlotte. I thought it was a pretty, nice, NORMAL celebrity baby name! :)

Ok, I'm off to read my book club book since I have not started it and I am hosting the meeting Wednesday night! We are reading "The Girl Who Stopped Swim.ming". Happy Weekend!

PS. I heard from the Dr. yesterday-- NO LU.PRON! He's gonna let me just stay on bcp! Though I am not getting back on that awful Des.o.gen! ugh! that stuff was terrible!

Moving on

I haven't been blogging because I've had a rough last few weeks. The bcps really did a number on me. I have been an emotional wreck. Major depression. Mild (and one major) panic attacks. Not wanting to eat or leave the house. Talk with friends. Or even my husband for that matter. I just wanted to sleep or watch tv. Just be alone. I've cried. Prayed. Felt hopeless and helpless. All while trying to appear, at least, to have myself together.

Well the 6 weeks of bcp's are finally over and AF arrived yesterday. I went in this morning for blood work and a transvag ultrasound to see if the bcps did their job and shrank my cyst. With fingers crossed, I was told that the cyst was, in fact, still there. And it had barely changed in size. It went from a 3.8 to a 3.7. Not near enough change. IUI is out of the picture.

Deep down I think I knew this would be the result. I had been surprised when I got the call that they wanted to try the clomid/IUI cycle in the first place. But man, it had given me such hope.

So now I'm on a new waiting game. IVF is now our only option. So the money saving begins. We are aiming for January/Feb. In the meantime, I need to be on either bcp's or lupron to keep that cyst at bay while we wait for the new year. I'll find out tomorrow what that plan of action will be. I'm hoping for bcps. Just NOT the ones I was just on!!! I just want to feel 'normal' for a few months before the craziness begins again. The calendars and schedules and medicines and injections and appointments and waiting. I want to enjoy Fall (my fav season) and enjoy my husband and my puppy and the holidays. So I can start the new year (and our new IF adventure) rested and with a renewed spirit...

Catching Up (work, reading, dr news)

Oops! It's been over a week since I've posted! Work is so crazy right now that I simply come home, eat, shower, and sleep! It's pitiful! I am up to 27 students in my room--- but help is on the way! A teacher transferred over today and is getting her room ready. 6 of my kids will move to her room soon. The letters went home to their parents today...kinda nervous about how they will take the news!

Aside from work, I spent much of the weekend finishing The Time Travelers Wife. wow. That's all I'll say for now (I know many of you are reading it!). My book club is meeting up tomorrow for a chat and then we're going to see the movie together! Can't wait to see what made it into the movie...

In ttc news, I'm on week 3 of birth control. I feel pretty yucky. And my 'girls' are HARD AS ROCKS and SORE!!! ugh. This is especially uncomfortable sleeping as I am a stomach sleeper. :( Anyway, I am supposed to skip the 'white pills' next week and go straight to a new pack/month of pills Friday night. However the pharmacy won't fill the prescription this early. And since teachers don't have time to pee during the day much less sit on hold for doctors and pharmacies, I've got Zach on the job. His mission is to get me my bcp by Friday afternoon. Poor guy!

While I'm a little apprehensive to mention this (b/c it still doesn't 'feel' right), I got a call last week from the Dr. K's office telling me that after my 6 weeks of bcp's are over Dr. K wants me to come in for a clomid check!!! He says he doesn't think the cyst was that bad especially considering I had just ovulated a couple of days before the procedure was done. He wants to try clomid / IUI !!!!! I'm like, really??? I thought you wanted to see how bcp's did on the cyst and so forth. I guess it seems too good to be true so I am finding a negative--for some reason. So, ladies, this means I'll be doing the infamous 'clomid challenge' and IUI in the next month or so!!! CRAZY!

I have TONS of questions about clomid and the IUI, but that will have to be for another day/post. I'm sleepy!

Weekend Happenings & A Question

In an effort to try to 'continue living my life' despite the constant anxiety and nervous stomach, I tried to stay busy this weekend...

Friday

~ Got a much needed haircut and bought fantastic smelling Bumble & Bumble curl product. It's amazing how much difference a trim can make-- especially when you have curly hair!

~ My friend Tara came over and we hit up a boutique sale downtown. I got an adorable Antropolo.gie style dress, a super soft bobi shirt, and a gorgeous pair of handmade earrings for$126!

~ While shopping we heard about a tv show being filmed around here and the cast and crew is staying at the hotel the boutique sale was in!!! A CW show, Vampire Nights, is being filmed. On Monday, the Lifetime show I love, Drop Dead Diva, is being filmed around here, too! I hate I'll be at work!

~ Zach and I ordered Domino's for dinner and caught up on a show we both enjoy, Royal Pains, on USA. We feel they should retitle the show, Hank Med.

Saturday

~ woke up with my 'usual as of late' nervous stomach. Little worried to leave the house so I make a day of being at home! I do laundry and play on the internet. I watched a lot of FRIENDS, as I have all summer (yay for the series box set!!!) and enjoy a nap and some yummy bbq for dinner.

~ I'm up to the episodes on FRIENDS where Chandler and Monica are ttc. I guess I never realized the trouble they had since I was no where near babies when the show originally aired. It was interesting to see them go through things that us in the IF world go through. The doc appts, SA's, and the waiting game for test results. It was sad...

~ Around 8:30 I decided I needed to give exercise a go. Totally random. So I put on headphones, grabbed my iPhone and took off walking toward downtown. It was fun to walk past all of the "Saturday Night Nightlife". I was gone for about 30 minutes or so. I felt better when I got home.

~ After a quick shower, Zach and I watched 'GetSmart'. It was cute!

Today

~ I need to be working on lesson plans (school starts tomorrow!!!), but I can't get motivated. I've been watching tv and doing laundry instead!

~ The birds nest in the backyard has been abandoned, but there are 4 baby birds hanging out back there! cuteness!

~ The TimeTraveler's Wife is still eyeing me. I've got to read it!

~ I'm craving a sandwich from a yummy butcher shop/sandwich shop down the street.

And for my question:

I feel crazy taking so many meds all of a sudden. In the past 2 years, I have only taken my daily allergy pill. Since I've had the LAP in June, I've had pain pills, nausea pills, antibiotics, prenatal vitamins, and bc pills prescribed to me. That's a lot of 'extra' drugs in my system. When I had the ultrasound/hysteroscopy the girls told me that the antibiotic will kill my stomach (that explains a lot).

So, what I'm wondering, do I keep taking the prenatal vitamins with the bc pills? Seems counter-productive I guess.

Anyway, hope everyone's weekend has been great!

RE Appointment Update

So the nurse called me a couple of hours ago with interesting news...

My doc would like to put me on 6 weeks of birth control to see if/how much it suppresses the cyst.

I'm supposed to start it tonight. I'm curious to see what happens. Zach was very surprised. The way the nurse was yesterday about the size of the cyst considering I had had the lap recently and all that...

So here's what I'm thinking:

Doc wants to see how my endo responds to bc pills for

1. to see if its enough to try IUI

2. to see if it will work well enough to allow me to skip Lu.pron and just do bc pills until December (while we are waiting for IVF in January)

Hmmmmm.....