Moving on

I haven't been blogging because I've had a rough last few weeks. The bcps really did a number on me. I have been an emotional wreck. Major depression. Mild (and one major) panic attacks. Not wanting to eat or leave the house. Talk with friends. Or even my husband for that matter. I just wanted to sleep or watch tv. Just be alone. I've cried. Prayed. Felt hopeless and helpless. All while trying to appear, at least, to have myself together.

Well the 6 weeks of bcp's are finally over and AF arrived yesterday. I went in this morning for blood work and a transvag ultrasound to see if the bcps did their job and shrank my cyst. With fingers crossed, I was told that the cyst was, in fact, still there. And it had barely changed in size. It went from a 3.8 to a 3.7. Not near enough change. IUI is out of the picture.

Deep down I think I knew this would be the result. I had been surprised when I got the call that they wanted to try the clomid/IUI cycle in the first place. But man, it had given me such hope.

So now I'm on a new waiting game. IVF is now our only option. So the money saving begins. We are aiming for January/Feb. In the meantime, I need to be on either bcp's or lupron to keep that cyst at bay while we wait for the new year. I'll find out tomorrow what that plan of action will be. I'm hoping for bcps. Just NOT the ones I was just on!!! I just want to feel 'normal' for a few months before the craziness begins again. The calendars and schedules and medicines and injections and appointments and waiting. I want to enjoy Fall (my fav season) and enjoy my husband and my puppy and the holidays. So I can start the new year (and our new IF adventure) rested and with a renewed spirit...