See ya '09, Bring it 2010!

So glad to see 2009 go. I had been doing so good before it came along. I had 'beaten' my anxiety and panic attacks, I was reconnecting with friends, taking more trips, feeling more confident, and had a very positive and hopeful attitude toward ttc.

January of 2009 marked the 'one year of ttc' mark and all hell broke loose. The doubt sank in. The depression. The worry. Then the doctor appts. The tests. The poking and proding and needles. Then bad news and more bad news. Which of course caused unusual amounts of crying, pleading with God, and withdrawl from my 'normal' self.

January of 2010 we are supposed to go in for our IVF consult. I had to postpone. I'm not ready. Z is ready. He is positive. He is my light at the end of this dark tunnel. I'm just not ready. The anxiety is back worse than ever and I still feel doubts of a happy outcome. I feel like I need to BE in a positive place before positive things can happen. Kind of like "If I don't think it will work, then it won't work". So we will wait. Just until spring I say. I'm praying that is all the time I need. I'm so ready to be out of this dark tunnel and back in a truly happy place.

Whew! So anyway, I'm looking forward to putting this all behind me and looking forward to lots of new opportunities in the new year.

Happy New Year to you all!!!