Infertility has taken away my hope. My spontinately. My sense of freedom. My passion. My positive attitude and outlook on life.
Instead I feel sad. depressed. lonely. I have headaches every day. I want to sleep all the time. I feel anxious and nervous.
I dread learning about my upcoming IVF stuff. Not because of the possibility of a baby, which of course I want. But because it's unknown. I'm unsure about the process, the schedule of medicines and injections. And mostly, I'm scared to even go through with it while feeling like this. But I'm more scared to wait. I'm scared that the longer I wait, the bigger the cyst will get, the harder it will be to get pregnant.
I know I need help. But I think I'm scared to ask for it. Scared to seek it out. Scared to find out what they will say.
I just don't know anymore...
Don't be scared to ask for help. It's hard to do, but sometimes necessary. I sought out help this summer when I felt like I had no control over my body and just was not happy. It helped to talk to some one outside of my circle of friends. Everyone one of us who is dealing endo. has been there...you are most definitely not alone!
ReplyDeleteI second Kelly, seeking help is difficult but well worth it! I had some MAJOR anxiety issues after my second Lap and I thought I could handle it myself... I was too embarrassed to tell anyone, including my doctor. I started having panic attacks at work and almost got fired. In the end I had to quit my job and take some time off then switch to part-time. I wish I had gotten help earlier. I was put on some meds and had some counseling sessions and now I'm doing 100x's better! We had to stop TTC last year and I wasn't coping as well as I thought I was with my depression (due to having to stop). I felt the way you described. It's an awful place to be. Please don't be afraid to reach out to your doctor. It's SO understandable for you/us to feel this way while going through infertility. Remember that taking care of YOU is a big part of the journey as well. (((Hugs)))
ReplyDeleteLadies, thank you so much for commenting. I know it's hard to admit and to talk about... I truly appreciate your honesty. I read your comments as you wrote them (i got them in my email). I apologize for not replying to you on here sooner.
ReplyDeleteI am excited (today, at least) to visit my new doctor Wednesday. I hope it does the trick and works quick!
Again, thank you both!!!