Counting Down + Congratulations!

So I haven't POAS and I'm trying to forget that it is even an option! :) Thanks you guys for making me back off those things!!!!

I spent the afternoon today with my good friend Michelle and her little mini-me, Molly. They are so cute. I couldn't believe how big she has gotten (14 mo now) and how much she can do! Amazing! It is always special to see them together b/c Michelle is my friend that was the first I knew to have fertility trouble. After 5 years, they finally got pregnant thru IUI with the same dr Zach and I have been seeing. Today she shared news with me. She and her husband were going to go back to Dr. K to discuss trying for their 2nd. Instead, she discovered last Monday, that she is pregnant on her own this time! She is very cautiously expecting, but expecting none the less! I'm so excited for their family!

And, of course, I have another friend pregnant today! Congratulations to my bloggin' buddy A.E.! She and her husband have been totally dedicated to adding to their family and have stopped at nothing for their dream. I am SO HAPPY for them! Stop by her blog and congratulate her if you get some time! I can't wait to follow her pregnancy journey!

Well, I hear things happen in three's... I heard 2 pregnancy announcements in my world today... maybe I'll be the third on Thursday!?!?!? God Willing!

???

Faint (and I mean faint) blood... implantation bleeding or should I be concerned?

ugh, every little thing I freak out about!

I carry the laundry basket- oh no! is it too heavy?

I got a pedicure yesterday and had the massage chair on - oh no! is it jiggling things around too much?

I ran errands for about 3 hours yesterday - oh no! was I on my feet too long?

I ate shrimp for dinner - on no! am I allowed to eat shrimp?

Whew, ladies! I told ya I was paranoid! And I'm a worrier and over-thinker. It's a blessing and a curse! :)

Paranoid

Is it normal to not want to exert ANY energy including, but not limited to, laundry, grocery shopping, walking the dog, watering the flowers, going to the mall...?

I feel like I have to be as still as possible. The more still I am, the better chance I have of embie latching on.

I lay in the bed. I read, watch reruns of favorite tv shows. I waste time on f.ace.book.

I rub on my belly quite often and pray for that little embryo in there to stick.

Then, every now and then, I allow myself to think negatively. I allow myself to 'what if'. What if this doesn't work? how will I react? how will I tell the people in my life who have been so supportive of us?

Ugh. I am so mad at myself for being like this. I have too much time on my hands perhaps. If school was in, I'd be too busy to think about it. Though, I'd also be worried my stress level would compromise things.

I guess that these thoughts and feelings are all part of this journey. The waiting, testing, probing, injecting, hoping, wishing, praying, crying. *sigh... I've read on some blogs before that even once an 'infertile' girl gets pregnant, it still takes months to get over the paranoia. Wow. It's a shame, you know? It's just hard to want something so much only to have to continue to pinch yourself to allow you to know that it's real. That the dream you dreamed, the prayer you prayed, came true.

Infertility is such a process. It's hard to explain to anyone who has never been through it. I was telling my MIL last week "at least we know specifically what to pray for". Over the course of the days/weeks we are praying injections work, that follicles are growing, the eggs are retrieved successfully, that eggs are fertilizing, that they are dividing. Then you pray you have at least one little embryo to transfer, then pray that the transfer is successful, then pray that the embie sticks.

And the praying doesn't end there. But that is just where we are right now.

Praying that little embie grabs on tight and is strong and healthy enough for a long 9 month ride in my belly.

Gosh, this wait is terrible and it's only been one day!!!