Check it out:
I have anxiety --- I stop taking anxiety meds 1+ years ago to get pregnant --- not getting pregnant --- anxious about not getting pregnant --- anxiety causes stress --- stress causes weight gain --- gaining weight b/c I decided to focus on getting pregnant instead of my body --- body is going to hell --- depresses me --- i eat when I'm depressed --- I am depressed b/c I am fat and not pregnant --- so I eat more --- gain more weight --- which causes more anxiety --- which I can't help b/c I am off meds.
yeah. fun times. So it hit me yesterday that I chose the wrong thing to focus on. I have been down on myself due to my weight since I got engaged. I went up and down for a while then held steady at a weight I won't even type here. That 'holding steady weight' was more than i wanted it to be, but I thought "hey- I'm going to just gain weight with a baby, I'll work my ass off later to lose it all".
that was 1.5 years ago. Since then I've gained another 15 lbs. And still no baby. See where this is heading???
I focused on the wrong thing. I can not control when i get pregnant, but I can (could have) controlled my weight all this time. But no, I let it go so I could get pregnant. And we all see how that's going.
i am sad when i look in the mirror. I hate getting dressed every day. i am embarrassed when i sit down and my belly pooches out.
you would think this would motivate me. but no. I'm an emotional eater, remember? So guess what I do. You got it-- I eat more.
And the cycle continues...
what a blah post. sorry you had to read that.
