It's kinda amazing. I spent so many hours on the internet and in books reading and learning about infertility, endo, cysts, iui, ivf, statistics, etc... that I don't know anything PAST that. It's like, I spent SO much time figuring out how to get pregnant, that now that I AM pregnant, I don't know what to do next!What do I eat?
How much can I exercise?
How long on the medicines?
When will u/s occur & how often?
Are my beta #'s good?
I have no idea what my progesterone level is? Do I need to know?
When will I start to feel sick (cuz I'm sure I'll be one of those people)?
Can I stay on my anxiety medicine or is it harmful to the baby?
What can I take for sinuses/allergies?
Can I lift stuff now?
How do I choose an OBGYN?
Where do I start with planning-- nursery, diapers, bottles, strollers, furniture?
And then there's the overlying worrying question:
Will this baby stick for 9 months?
I'm freaking out. I guess b/c I don't look or feel pregnant yet. It's hard to believe there is a little miracle growing inside of me. It seems to good to be true. And I have told people. We couldn't keep our ivf journey to ourselves. Our closest family and friends knew what was going on most every step of the way. I truly believe that it is their added prayers and good thoughts coming our way that helped us to get to this point. So of course I shared the news asap. Did I share too soon? Did I jinx myself?
I am so incredibly thankful to have this t-tiny baby growing inside of me. I rub my belly daily and thank God for this blessing. I am also thankful for our family and friends that have expressed such joy and excitement for us. It helps it feel real. But still, I can't help but worry. I guess, to some extent, I will worry until I'm holding our baby in my arms.
This weekend I was taken over by worry and thoughts of how nice it must be to be innocent to conceiving. You know what I mean? Like, if we had just gotten pregnant on our own without anything - no charting, temping, ovulation tests, fertility meds, procedures, etc... -- I wouldn't know any different. I wouldn't know ALL that I know now. I wouldn't know the true miracle of conception and how much it takes for a baby to come into this world. I could be blissfully happy with no worries that it won't work; won't stick.
Now, I know that all that I have learned only makes me stronger and more informed and quite possibly makes me feel that much closer to my unborn baby and of course closer to God for giving us this blessing. But there's just that tiny part of me that thinks it would be great to not know so much!
AGH! worry ramblings!
So the numbers so far:
beta 1: 144 (10dp5dt)
beta 2: 850 (14dp5dt)
My 3rd beta is scheduled for next Monday and then the u/s sometime the next week. I can't wait for that u/s! I think I really need it for it to ultimately feel real to me! :)
